“I am so scared because of this ruling.”

I was 15 the first time I had an abortion. It was one of many. I had been in a really abusive relationship for nearly 3 years. Little background into me, I am first generation Bengali American with overbearing parents. It wasn’t the first time I had gotten pregnant but the first time I had to make a difficult choice. It was either me or bringing a child into this messed up world where the law fails to protect rape victims and domestic violence victims. I am a rape and domestic violence survivor who ended up getting pregnant as result. I remember going to some off the books place since I was under 18. The doctor kept asking if I was sure as if he was trying to convince me not to do this. After the procedure was done, I was leaving and that same doctor told me I was going to hell. I could not believe what I just heard. How can someone performing under the table abortions behave like this?

I was always so conflicted with the idea of abortion. After so many traumatic events in my life, I have decided I don’t wants kids even though I love them. My mental health isn’t good and will never be and I have come to peace with that. My PTSD makes me live in fear all the time. I do not want to bring that onto a child. I am so scared because of this ruling. So many scenarios are running through my head if I was to get pregnant and NY banned abortion in the future.